Santa Claus: Filing for Chapter 7 Bankruptcy?

Photo by mcclave.

In this hilarious piece by Bankrate.com, Julie Sturgeon breaks down the net worth of jolly ol’ Saint Nick. And it’s not looking good for the fat guy.

First, the income:

Since the 1950s, Santa Claus has found gainful employment at shopping malls across the United States, grinning for the cameras while hugging everything from screaming tots to drooling dogs. But the photography companies pocket the profit from those pricey picture packages — Santa is actually an hourly employee at the approximately 1,000 enclosed malls in this country.

“And assuming we could make the case he owns his reputation, he’s really given it up to the public domain,” Weinberg says. “In IP (intellectual property) law, if you don’t exercise control over other people’s uses of your reputation, you end up essentially abandoning your right to claim royalties.” Santa’s failure to send cease-and-desist letters to Tim Allen for portraying him in the movies was the final mistake.

That means Santa would bank $2,903,958.50 at the federal minimum wage of $7.25. However, a few years ago, this savvy dude capitalized on years of experience (not to mention a real beard) and negotiated an average salary of $10,000 a year with the photography vendors, so in reality he’s bringing home $10,000,000.

Bottom line: Santa earns a little more than $13 million annually. Weinberg’s former clients, the Muppets, are actually richer than Santa.

…And the Expenses:

Santa’s gift-giving extravaganza certainly has come a long way from the days Ralphie yearned for a Red Ryder BB gun. Twenty-first century kids crave everything from interactive musical chairs to Nintendo Wiis. Using Dr. Toy’s lists of top toys in 2008 for infants through age 6 — face it, after that they stop believing in Santa, so the big guy is off the hook — we determined the average price per toy. One request per customer, please.

So Santa spends $778,005,690, which qualifies him for the free shipping deals. Lest you think him a spendthrift, these prices also reflect the lowest available on comparison shopping Internet sites, and he has been known to shave a few additional bucks by watching the Sunday newspaper ads.

The staff at InsureMyTrip.com say baggage coverage for these presents would be written as a cargo policy through Lloyds of London, priced at 15 percent of value, so he needs to budget $116,700,850 for the journey. On the other hand, “Santa’s never missed a Christmas, even when Rudolph’s nose was on the blink, so trip cancellation coverage is not an issue,” says Vikki Corliss, a spokeswoman for InsureMyTrip.“Since the elves are under Santa’s control and direction, and work on-site at the workshop, they are considered seasonal hourly employees rather than independent contractors,” he says. That means Mr. Claus must also pay employment taxes and provide worker’s compensation.

And let’s face it, if Macy’s had to hire 8,500 seasonal workers across just its Western division this season, Santa needs to at least match that number.

So over the five-week frenzy, he must budget $34,510,000 in payroll needs.

So what’s it all add up to? Well, Santa’s dimples won’t be so merry when his calculator determines that he owes $931,191,823 — at least $921,191,823 more than he makes. That’s serious bankruptcy material, and he has yet to feed his reindeer.

So the bottom line: Santa is $1 Billion dollars in the hole. That’s a lot of work for Father Christmas, especially without any reward. When you factor in the consumer debt related to the holidays, maybe we ought to call the whole thing off. How’s that for the Spirit of Christmas?!

via Santa’s net worth.